The short joke topic!

[VTRacing]

As she lay there screaming in agony, her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try and undress a woman with his eyes.

[Bauer]

As she lay there screaming in agony, her body covered in fatal burns, Superman knew this was the first and last time he would try and undress a woman with his eyes.

Nice

Already used it

[matticooper]

I caught my girlfriend giving a midget a blowjob. I can't believe she'd stoop that low.

Alternate:
I caught my girlfriend giving a midget a blowjob. What a low-blow.

[matticooper]

I made out with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "Nah, You're just pulling my leg."

[Rots]

LOL matti.

[Vilante]

haha, excellent!

You will see that on FB in 3..2..1...

[Big Kev]

Did I already do my deja vu joke?

[Bauer]

Lol thats farking funny

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk

[matticooper]

I have sex daily.

I mean, dyslexia.

[w00dsy]

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife
says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you
put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies.

[Big Kev]

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London .

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate. " McTavish , Scotland ," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder." Waddington-Smythe , England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm. “O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."

[Speed]

I was in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few...

I noticed two large women by the bar.

They both had strong accents, so I asked. "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said..., "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

Then the lights went out.

[matticooper]

stolen from Durbs...

They've discovered a new mummy in egypt covered in chocolate. Suspect it is pharoah rocher

[Vilante]

...aaaand used on Facebook lol.

[matticooper]

I cry every time after sex. I hate prison.

[KNAPPO]

How do you titillate an ocelot?

Oscillate its tits a lot.

[durbster]

stolen from Durbs...

They've discovered a new mummy in egypt covered in chocolate. Suspect it is pharoah rocher

Only just seen this. We had just set off for Le Mans so had begun to regress into childhood

[matticooper]

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said: Disneyland Left. So they started crying & headed home.

[Big Kev]

I hope Jessica Biel names her first child Batmo

[ysu]

I hope Jessica Biel names her first child Batmo

...and that she does not marry either

[Big Kev]

Things you won't hear at Wimbledon….

play has stopped here because two men have walked on to centre court saying they've got it booked from 4 and now it's 5 past

[Exar Kun]

Courtesy of James May:

"The cannibal who murdered my wife was an extra in that Russell Crowe movie."

"Gladiator?"

"Yes, but I'm having to do my own washing now"

[Vilante]

[w00dsy]

There is a porno called Glad He Ate Her. Also Lawrance Of Her Labia.

[VTRacing]

Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic Church. Priest says 'what on earth are you doing here'.

Higgs Boson replies 'well, you can't have mass without me'.